LIV Golf just got the worst call a man can get: the family office is disinheriting them. The players saw the gold and got trapped in the mines.
The endless money was never enough. Bryson DeChambeau demanded more and more until, presumably, Saudi Arabia watched one of his YouTube videos and pulled the plug immediately.
They’re done.
Any startup with unlimited capital is doomed to die on the first day. There are countless “corporate” reasons, but luckily for you, I am not employed by any fake firm.
LIV Golf is now DED Golf.
GOLF IS SUPPOSED TO BE ELITE
LIV Golf’s main talking point was that they wanted to “Grow the Game™️.”
How did they do that? By hiring the biggest and brightest! Such as Alissa Heinerscheid, the former Bud Light executive best known for the Dylan Mulvaney campaign.
That’s not even the worst part.
The league allows shorts. The tournaments have rap music blasting throughout the courses. Playgrounds were built on the premises for children. Neon colors everywhere. And concerts… so many concerts.
“LIV Golf is the pickleball version of golf.” - Trust Fund Man
So what is the alternative? Here’s a question:
What makes tournaments like The Masters amazing?
Their policy of quietly disappearing anyone who sends a tweet on the property is a promising start.
But it’s gorgeous. Exclusive. Traditional. Pimento cheese sandwiches are $1.50. It’s the definition of American excellence, and guess what? The entire world watches.
No event expands the game more than the Masters, and yet, it breaks every HR boardroom rule there is.
WHO THOUGHT OF THE TEAM NAMES?
Here is a list of the team names the geniuses at LIV, who are getting paid more than entire countries’ GDPs, thought of:
4Aces GC, Cleeks GC, Crushers GC, Fireballs GC, HyFlyers GC, Korean Golf Club, Legion XIII, Majesticks GC, OKGC, RangeGoats GC, Ripper GC, Southern Guards GC, Torque GC
What.
Read those names again.
Again.
I am not sure why they’re losing billions of dollars.
Here’s a better team name I just thought of:
BrokeAndHomeless GC.
PGA TOUR ISN’T INNOCENT EITHER
After all of LIV’s embarrassments, the PGA Tour’s reaction somehow managed to be worse.
Instead of acting like adults and brushing LIV off as a minor nuisance, the Tour went scorched earth and suspended every player who took the money.
That alone made LIV much stronger than it should’ve been.
If the PGA Tour and Rory McIlroy just laughed, LIV would’ve been finished in less than a year.
Instead, the PGA Tour got nervous and juiced up their own purses and then created an even sillier golf league— called TGL. The indoor golf simulator league that is less interesting than Wii Sports and has even worse team names.
They legitimized LIV Golf more than anyone ever could. Everybody in the business world has lost their minds.
THE SOLUTION:
The game of golf doesn’t need to be grown. It needs to be guarded.
Where is the class?
Ban the neon. Ban the fake team names. Abolish the teams in general— this isn’t the Ryder Cup.
Make Pants Mandatory Again. Pipe in bird noises and classical music. Put all the money into the courses to make the conditions as pristine as possible.
The bunkers should be filled with sand from the beaches of Normandy. If a player is going to make bogey, he should at least do it on sacred ground.
And, like Augusta, any patron caught taking a photo should be given a new identity and quietly relocated to Nebraska.
I am just scratching the surface.
Unlimited money made LIV tasteless. Constraint might accidentally save it.
LIV Golf has a fighting chance now that the allowance has been cut. The USGA’s amateur championships have prestige money can’t buy, and all you get when you win is a nice trophy and a pat on the back.
I can restore the greatness.
Unfortunately for them, my price is $10,000,000.
TFM